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It’s been over a month since I last wrote an entry… I had an amazing Valentine’s week with him… You have no idea the level of happiness that was achieved! Now I’m going to go see him again on Monday until Thursday morning and lately he’s been saying that he’s not happy about us due to the distance, the fact we don’t have sex etc :-/ It’s hard because just asking him to hang in there won’t solve anything. I miss him all the time and I just wish he could somehow comprehend how much I love him. I do want to marry him. I really do. I wish life could hurry along… On a lighter note, I’m going to start a PGCE (teacher training) in Septemeber :) It’s very exciting! SEEING HIM TONIGHT AFTER 2 MONTHS OF BEING APART AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH :D I’m beyond excited. Weekend at mine, 3 days in Blackpool [*squeels*] then Wednesday afternoon to Sunday afternoon back in Norfolk again :) 9 days! So friggin’ happy about this you have no idea! Gonna be the best Valentine’s week everrrrrrrrrrr ♥ You have to take the ups and downs in every relationship. The distance between us is only temporary in the long run! I want to spend the rest of my life with this man and I will take on any struggle because I know that it will all be worth it. I know he finds it difficult especially because he is in a job that he HATES but I just want to make him see that he can get through it. I miss him so much of course! It kills me being away from him, it really does, but what gets me through is the hope that we do have a wonderful future together to look forward to. I really do miss him… :( It’s all over. Just like that. I’m dying inside. I do just want him to be happy. Apparently I couldn’t make him happy. I hate the whole situation. I hate myself. I love him. Shit. I really do. But his happiness means more. I feel like my heart is going to cave in. Finally we have something to look forward to! We’ve planned a little getaway to Blackpool for a few days next month :) Hopefully that’ll make things better for a while and cheer him up. Champagne, dinner, swimming fun… I’m looking forward to it so much!! It’s only a matter of time. I know he’s unhappy but I can’t let him go. I feel like my world is caving in. He is my world. Last night things got 10 times worse. Along with my relationship falling apart, my finances being screwed up etc… Turns out my 37 year old friend has been sleeping with my 20 year old friend behind my back. He’s such an idiot. I cannot remember the last time I was this angry! You have been making poor choices AND lying to be about it. For example, when we were walking home from the pub last Friday he was on the phone to someone… He told me it was his ex from the US but guess what?! It was my good friend. He got more than an ear-full from me and he was using excuses about how lonely he is and how she was attracted to him etc… A 37 year old should be able to NOT just jump into bed with the first person that shows interest! I shouldn’t have to have the urge to tell a guy in his late thirties to grow up. I mean, come on. He was seriously screwed up. He keeps saying how shit he feels and I know this sounds harsh, but all I can think is ‘Good’. The fact that the younger of the two was the one to actually came out and told me, despite being terrified that I would hate her, means I actually have way more respect for her at this point. I’ve been close friends with her for just a few months… HE has known me since I was about 10! I am just so angry… I’m so low on emotional energy. This is taking a lot of effort. I think he’s gonna end it. Soon. He wants me to live with him ASAP and I just can’t. But I don’t want to be without him. But if this ends I’m going to have to cut him out of my life. Yes it’ll hurt but seeing him online etc would just be so much worse. I don’t know what to do or what he will do. I love him so much it hurts. I always will.
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